To coincide with the online publication of “Meet Your Match” – a book offering valuable dating advice – HowTo.co.uk takes a look at the challenges of marrying someone from another country.
Many matchmaking experts today advise singles not to marry someone from another country. “It’s hard enough getting along with someone from the same place, a culture clash only adds stress on the marriage and today there is already too much stress on most marriages—just look at the divorce rate.” Yes, there are plenty of reasons why it is difficult to marry someone from another country. If you want a more in-depth examination of this popular pessimistic view go here. A broader perspective and some legal advice can be found here.
The Brighter Side
There are steps you can take to maximize your potential for a successful marriage. Again, these tips apply to someone who is marrying someone from another country, not someone from the same country who practices a different religion or belongs to another race. That is a separate topic.
Three Steps You Can Take
Here are three practical things that you can do: Visit your potential partner’s country, get a hold of literature from that country including history books and thirdly, take some cooking lessons and/or teach yourself about the local eating habits. If you do these three things you are far more likely to be in a position to “hear” your partner when it comes to disagreements, goals, and even humour.
1. Visit your potential partner’s country – This does not mean a tourist’s visit, but a real visit. If for example, you are American and you are planning to marry someone British hanging out at Buckingham Palace is not likely to help your future marriage. Go to the places that locals go to. Check out your partner’s old primary and high school. Yes, go and see what it looked like and ask questions. Was it an all boys/girls school? Was physical punishment allowed? This might seem ridiculous, but when it comes to disciplining your future children, this might provide you with key insights and prevent conflicts later on. If at all possible, live in your future spouse’s country for at least three months before marriage.
2. Read and listen to everything you can get your hands on – If you are American and you are going to marry someone from South Africa, it is critical to know more about South African history than what you learned on CNN or BBC. This will help you understand your potential spouse’s world view. The same holds true for any country. I am not saying you have to become an expert, but try to get a general idea of the country’s history.
3. Cuisine – Familiarize yourself with your potential spouse’s national and local cuisine. Go beyond international fast food eateries and find out what the average household ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Purchase a few cookbooks and try to whip up a few dishes from your partner’s childhood——yes, this applies to men also. Once you are married you will be sharing most, if not all of your meals together. You will also find yourselves planning family holidays, picnics and barbecues and don’t forget likely making hundreds of school lunches for your kids, so this is important. It’s best to know if pepper is a death sentence to your spouse’s taste buds or a fundamental right before the wedding.
These three areas are a great place to start. Once you have explored your adopted country—or at least new second culture—as a resident and not a tourist, learned about its past, art and value system, and not only sampled but attempted to prepare some local dishes, you will be in a far better place to ask yourself the question: Can I deal with the extra challenge of marrying someone from another country?
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